From the group, I understood the basis of the book was not “wish for something and you get it,” as I see a TON of people reporting it to be. That’s a misconception – at least from the experiences I was involved in. The basic idea – again, for this group – was that yes, you wish for something. But you don’t sit back and wait passively for it to come to you. You make it happen for yourself. And by stating that “wish,” and proceeding to open yourself up to watch for the situations and opportunities that present themselves so you can actively play a part in making that wish come true, it will.

It was based on the idea that there are no coincidences, and sort of “the butterfly effect,” that every decision you make and every action you take sets out a ripple in the world that affects everyone and everything in it – which is something I already do believe happens. I think the “wish making” (otherwise known as “setting your intentions”) is sort of a psychological thing, you telling yourself in an authoritative manner that this is what you want, and by God, you’re gonna get it. The action of making that intention tangible sort of tells your brain that this isn’t some random thought in your head, or a dream that will never come true, and it sort of steels your nerve to make it happen for yourself.

I just wanted to give you that little bit of back-story there, so you understand I’m not just “wishing” for stuff and waiting for it to happen. I’m more of the “wish in one hand, shit in the other and see which one fills up faster” camp.

I did pretty well on the challenge, when I participated. Not as well as I’d wanted to, but I did all right. Unexpected things did happen, and made me believe that when you set your mind to it, and open your eyes to watch for those opportunities, things do happen. You make your own luck. It was fun to try it in a short span of time and actually see it occur.

So. Here I am. I am not advocating “The Secret,” (again, I’ve never read it, and don’t care to) I just wanted you to know the basis of what I’m about to share with you.

I’m going to do the challenge again.

I’m not doing it with the group I was involved with before. The ladies that run the group are…. well they’re nice ladies. Very enthusiastic. But I’ll put it this way: I’m NOT a morning person. I have my days (and no, not just when I’m PMSing) where I’d like to tear someone’s head off. It’s kind of annoying to hear the soothing voices of the Holy Trinity there tell me that I’m pissed because it’s my fault I let someone piss me off. Whatever. Some days I must cave into non-happy moods, and wallow in my failures. That’s called life. And I am NOT an over-sensitive-to-others kind of person, either. I believe in the Golden Rule. Some people don’t. The people that don’t tend to not get me. The people that do do. Those are called friends. If you’re not my friend, I really don’t care what you think.

“The people that mind don’t matter, and the people that matter don’t mind.” – Dr. Seuss

So, I’m not joining in with that group of people again. But I will be doing this for myself.

Now I’ve tried to start this 100 Days Challenge on my own before, and I usually fail at it – typically I’m good for the first week or so and then next thing you know the whole 100 Days has blown by and I’m sitting there like “Crap. I missed it.” But I’m going to give it another shot. I am not going to promise myself that I will post something every single day. I already know I can’t make that (and my life isn’t that interesting anyway). But I can challenge myself to post something once per week. Surely something interesting will happen once a week, right?

But the main goal of this challenge, for me…. my “wish” if you will… is to continue on with a goal I’ve already set myself on, but have not fully realized my potential in attaining it: weight loss.

My doctor is happy with my progress (Have you ever seen a middle-aged doctor with a salt-and-pepper beard cheer? Yeah. I have. You can’t unsee that shit.) but he could be happier. I’m losing, but I’m losing v e r y s l o w l y. He thinks I can do better. I have another appointment in about 2 months (at the end of June), and I know he’d like to see around 20 pounds gone. Not necessarily exactly 20, but somewhere in that range. I’d like to surprise him with some semblance of success – because thus far, I’ve been coming to him every 3 months with around a 6-8 pound loss.

So, if I begin my challenge today, April 26, 2010, it will end on August 4, 2010 – with my checkup just after day 50, so halfway in. So maybe I can lose about 15 pounds by then – and roughly 30 by the time the challenge ends. That would be cool. That would put me at just barely 20 pounds over what I weighed on my wedding day, and only 35 pounds away from my goal.

Yes, I just did that annoying math for all of you to see LOL

Another goal I have is in regards to my business. I took a sabbatical this year to focus on the direction I want to go in for my business, and I haven’t done squat yet. All good intentions on the road to hell. So I want to focus more on my direction for that, so i can start the new year in full swing, and down the path I want to take.

So there we have it. Today is my Day 1. Let’s just see how this goes!

Really, that’s what this whole section is about. I’ve done the “conventional” methods for weight loss, and although they should be working, they are not. So I’m now going through a journey of trial and error, trying to figure out why.

Now, I’m going to lay out some facts about myself. These are not perceptions about what I do, nor am I “lying to myself” (as some people would say). I want this weight gone. Lying to myself or skewing my information doesn’t help me at all – it’s counter-productive. These are, indeed facts.

1. I am a graduate from a culinary school – the #3 school in the United States, actually. So I know how to cook. And I do it very, very well. And I love to do it.
2. I’m a food snob. Mostly. I have three children (four, if you count my husband) and I run my own business. So yes, there is some leeway for not being a snob. But I cook with natural ingredients as much as possible. We keep very little processed items in the house. In fact, really the only “processed” food items I cook with are the occasional side dish, and sometimes I’ll use mixes for things like biscuits and cakes. But I refuse to use margarine in my cooking (it’s either butter or EVOO), and the only reason chips are in the house is because hubby likes to snack on them (I think they’re gross.)
3. I undereat. That is no lie. (I’ll elaborate on that in a bit.)
4. I have already been tested and cleared for thyroid issues, and although I don’t agree with it, I am negative for PCOS. (I’m still arguing over that one, because I do think I have it – but for the time being, I am negative.)
5. I am also healthy as a horse. My doctor has already told me a couple of times that if he had just seen my chart only (with the weight omitted) he would think I was a normal, regular, healthy-weight female who is in great shape for her age. He says I’m a contradiction, really – because to look at me, you’d think I would have all kinds of health issues. I do not. I’m actually healthier than my husband (who has no weight issues at all.)
6. Dining out – especially fast-food – is a particular no-no in my household. Fast food we do maybe twice a year. Dining out happens slightly more frequently – perhaps 6 times a year (this includes ordering pizza).

So there are some facts about me.

Here’s where it gets weird.

Since April of 2009, I’ve been working to get my weight down. Initially, I was simply dieting – cutting back on my food intake. I would exercise, but it was sporadic. Mostly due to work- and home-related reasons. Since I couldn’t (I could, let’s be honest. But I allowed things to get in the way.) exercise, I felt cutting back on my food intake would work just as well. So I did.

I kept a very good log of what I ate for several months. (I believe I gave up on logging my eating habits because, by August, I 1) had only dropped a measly 12 pounds, and 2) I saw that my eating habits were not the problem – as far as eating goes. What surprised me was that I wasn’t eating enough.

About half the time, I would eat around 1300 calories per day. As many online calculators dictate, for me to stay at my current weight, I’d need to be completely sedentary and take in about 2800 calories per day. So, logically, dropping my intake to 1300 should have caused some weight loss. But it didn’t. Not really.

About a quarter of the remaining time, I would go over, and hit around 2,000 calories. but the real kick was the remaining – I would be lucky to hit 700 calories in a day. I can see days in my log back then where I did nothing but drink 2 cups of coffee in the morning, and nothing for the rest of the day.

So I stopped logging. I brought this to the attention of my doctor.

Now, there’s a school of thought about weight loss – I know Weight Watchers spouts it – called “starvation mode.” Basically where your body will notice that you aren’t taking in enough food (especially protein) and think that it’s starving. When it does this, it’s said, your body will hang onto the fat stores it has for dear life, in an effort to save itself from starving to death. Now, I’ve had several people tell me that “starvation mode” is utter bunk – however, none of these people were physicians. I’ve had three doctors tell me that it is not.

When my doctor told me I needed to eat more, I looked at him as if he’d grown a second head. “Eat more to lose weight?” I said.

His response was that basically, I was trying to “start a fire without adding any wood.” So yes, he wanted me to eat more.

I chewed on this (haha) for a bit. I didn’t take his advice though. In October, my husband built an office desk around my treadmill. Since October, I have been exercising while I work. I basically run my treadmill on the lowest setting (which is 1 mile an hour) and just keep walking until I’m done for the day. My average day consists of about 5 hours of walking, sometimes up to 7 or 8 hours, if I’m really busy. So with that tossed into the mix, I started to see my clothes fitting…worse. (I’d say better but it wasn’t – I would walk through the house and my pants would slide down to the floor after a few steps.) but the number on the scale wasn’t changing that much.

My eating habits hadn’t changed at all.

I went to the doctor again – who wasn’t happy that my weight had gone down much (but happy that, at least, it was going down) – and asked me if I had taken his previous advice. When I told him I hadn’t, he insisted that I add more food to my diet. I still didn’t listen.

Last week, I was a part of a budding conversation on Ravelry, and discovered that I am not alone in this. It seems that there is something to this – being overweight, yet still being underfed. Based on the conversation I had, I decided to get back into it and take my doctor’s advice. So I have been logging my food intake and my exercise. I must say, I was completely shocked when I saw that all of this walking I’m doing is wiping out my calorie intakes. Since October, I’ve basically been wiping out everything I’m taking in, and then some – and running on negative.

So for the last three days, I’ve been carefully watching myself. I measure my food (to be sure my “eyeballing” is still true – which it is, thankfully), I log every bite, and I log my exercise. Unfortunately, it’s also making me eat a LOT more than I’m used to. At this time in my life, I’m wondering if taking my doctor’s advice is a good idea – because I never eat this much. I went to bed last night feeling like I’d eaten half the county – but it’s what the tools I’m using said I should do, and it’s my doctor’s advice – so I’m doing it.

I’m going to give this two weeks – because this really seems wrong to me. “Eat more *” is the antithesis of what everyone tells you to do when you’re trying to lose weight. Perhaps this is why it’s not settling well with me. But I’m going to give it a shot. The worst that can happen is I gain a couple of pounds when I was expecting to lose. It’s nothing new.

So 2 weeks. I will continue on, with the addition of eating more food instead of less. And I’ll see what happens. It’ll either be complete bullshit, or it’ll actually work.

*Just to clarify, I’m not stuffing my face with empty calories either – like ho-ho’s or whatever. The tool I’m using will actually keep track of the calories, as well as the fat, protein, fiber and carbs I’m taking in as well. I’m working to try and get a nice split in my intake, of 25% protein, 35% fat and 45% carbs – and trying to get at least 35g of fiber every day. That last one I’m failing miserably at – I have to figure out how to get more fiber in my diet without adding in a whole bunch of fat. For some reason, the two seem to go hand-in-hand.